When you hear that call……that one over the radio, advising that the inbound unit to the ER is coming in lights and sirens, the patient critical, CPR is in progress….there is an adrenaline rush you get thinking, “ok, do I remember my algorhythms? Do I have the right drugs to help bring this patient back from the brink? Will I be strong enough to perform CPR if needed, and what happens if we can’t bring them back?”

animated-moving-emergency-life-flight-helicopterA million thoughts race through your mind at a million miles a minute. You think about your family, your other patients that will wait, and you think about yourself. Can I? Will I? Should we?

hospital_building_helicopter_pa_md_wmThen as quick as your thoughts begin, the patient is rushed in, laying on a cot, with someone sitting on top of them pushing doing CPR, someone yelling out the situation, people scurrying to and fro to get IV lines in place and that first blood pressure in less than the first minute of arrival. Doctors start crawling out of the wood work. The ones that never return your pages are suddenly there plus more! The adrenaline is so thick in the room it is palpable. Everyone is nervous and scared, but pulls together as a team to get the job done.

giphy1This adrenaline cycle happens over and over until it becomes just rote memory. Then as a nurse, doctor, pharmacist, whatever role you played in the crisis, you are expected to bounce back immediately and resume caring for the patients that you were assigned prior to the emergency. So for an ER nurse the highs are very high and the lows are very low. Rarely do nurses eat, pee or even think about themselves while they are at work, because, patients and satisfaction scores are our top priority.


Adrenaline for me was always a constant part of my daily job, so feeling a little more pumped up that morning made not the slightest impression on me. And then I got sick….at work…taking care of patients on my birthday.

tina-fey-annoyedI’ve always prided myself on giving good patient care. If that meant I had to battle a doc, well…..game on! Nurses by nature always think ahead and can almost diagnosis anyone they meet along with treatment plan and meds….except themselves. Well, maybe I ignored a FEW warning signs…..like the tiny amount of profuse sweating….


Or maybe the TINY amount of blurry, double and tunnel vision with a cold blue extremity…..


Or maybe that small headache and teeny bit of chest pressure…….


Given all of these facts, that EVERYONE over looked at my job, (Yup, we are trained professionals here people….just don’t let work get in the way of gossip…sheeeesh….,) I would have made myself a priority as life and limb are priorities, and I was both. The sad state is, I was not, and treated like there was nothing urgent so I sat in the waiting room EIGHT plus hours before being seen. (Now I know why patients always came back cussing, screaming, yelling mad.) That time elapse allowed the damage being done to my brain just extend.


Since by that time everything was going wrong, they decided MAYBE they should take me back…..so they could do scans and CT’s and MRI’s and pulse checks…..yes….will talk about that next time. For now boys and girls, mind your manners, don’t cuss your nurse, because you’ll never know if she’s having a stroke and a brain aneurysm while caring for you!


~ J

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Happy Mother’s Day!

A GREAT BIG HEY AND HELLO to anyone who has never been to one of my blogs or book reviews. (I kinda feel sad for you….you’re missing out on all kinds of cool books and fun facts!)


So I thought I would take a minute and do the “down and dirty version” of me and why I am doing what I do.


 I started writing this particular blog to do book reviews as a way to remain busy. I had just had a stroke at work, and many other bad things kept popping up, I started using writing as my solace. 


Over time, I have shared more of me with you as well as the book reviews too. I’ve started a very small online store as well as sell on Ebay : 


You should go take a look. There is TONS of great additions to your reading such as body lotion, body mist, kits, several books……the list goes on and on. The best part is I add more EVERY time I’m on!!


To beat all, I just won a writing contest with a new hosting and domain site as well as a more focused writing agenda. (Thanks again Ramsay should you be reading this!) 


Yes, in fact I do think every one of these was me at some point!

If you read my page often, then you know how desperate of a situation we are in over here in Aneurysm Neverland. Besides those nasty strokes and the huge aneurysm that is in a place that would be hard to get out, we know are watching the kidneys and adrenals because of a tumor that affects the adrenal glands called pheochryocytoma as well as paraganglioma. Just saying those disease processes makes me need a drink………of Dr.Pepper, come on now!


This is again the time that I press upon you, and count on your acts of kindness, as these horrible conditions need a specialist, and well……I guess we just aren’t very special here……but we do have style!


So if you could kindly go ahead and visit this link below, the donation for medical treatment link, I know my kids will be thanking you for it. Anything will help and know that your money will be assisting my family to get me to Duke University Medical Center, (notice the blue?!?!) where we found a specialist that deals in the pheochryocytoma as well as the paragangliomas. If we can remove the one tumor a lot of these symptoms will be resolved, however the paraganglioma carries with it a nasty near fatal diagnosis….we need to get this out people! You’ll be saving your daily comedy, a mother, an Emergency Nurse, and person that would, and does, extend their hand out to assist others…… SO, y’all dance on over to this link and help us get the funds we need for not 1 but 2 major surgeries…


You know I thank you and the kids do too….so here’s your link :

Saving your Nurses from tragedy One dollar at a time!!

Alright my favorite people! I’m out of here with my wordy self for now…..so I can write all these book reviews up!

As always, I wish you peace and happy readings! 


The Never Open Desert Diner

never open diner photo

Driving the long and winding desert Route 117 has been what Ben has just done. When the other big companies pull out of that area, Ben is the only big trucker that will still deliver goods to the residents of Route 117. 


Ben has come to a point where he knows all of his clients by name, and brings them personalized or requested items from town or far away. This is a good route in his life. From Ben’s perspective it is a beautiful existence, though due to the shutting down of the town’s major source of income, the money has started to dry up. Ben’s truck if even in jeopardy of being repossessed. Through all his troubles, he continues to deliver to people on Route 117, as he has found a bond with them and their quirky traits.


Along his delivery route is the Never Open Desert Diner. There are many rumors about what happened to the diner, and the diner’s owner, Walt,  does nothing to disway the gossip of the surrounding town folk. The sign is always “closed,” and Walt himself is a mean spirited and reclusive man. 

During one particular visit to drop off goods to Walt, Ben finds that he must visit the restroom pronto. With nobody around the diner, he notices something that he had never seen before: a neighborhood with only one house. Though it had been mapped and graded out for roads and other houses, there stood just the shell of one model home. While Ben is relieving himself on the side  of the house, he notices a most beautiful girl through the window, playing an imaginary cello.

cello trees

Claire fascinates Ben, and soon she is all he can think about. Clarie also carries secrets. She becomes the central mystery in the book. Who is she? Why is she living in abandoned house? More importantly, why is Ben suddenly being followed, or bribed? What happened so long ago at the diner that has caused a huge rift in time, and in love?


To not throw those spoilers out there, I will say that Ben’s journey down Route 117 is one of the reopening of old wounds, and the healing of some of the same. Ben, in simplicity has become just what was needed to tie up those loose ends at the diner, and allows much needed healing to occur for the diner, the town, and Claire and Walt. He was the sunset that painted the desert the brightest.


For me, this was such a powerful story of how past and present intermingle, and how choices we make never really leave us. I was undeniably drawn to the characters, and felt I too was vested in the diner.
In my humble opinion, this is a book that you should read if you are missing hope, carrying grief, or just love a good book that brings everything together like a brilliant symphony.


I think you should go and listen to the beautiful music that is played at The Never – Open Desert Diner, by James Anderson.

I was given an ARC of this book by Penguin Random House through Blogging for Books, in exchange for my honest opinion which I have given trying to not give away too much of the diners secrets. 

One Day at A Time

The Real Doctor Will See You Shortly by:Matt McCarthy

Redefining Realness by: Janet Mock

Redefining Realness: My Path to Womanhood, Identity, Love & So Much More    by: Janet Mock


Janet Mock the author of this book was born with the anatomical parts of a male, however from as early as she can remember she always felt like a girl. She remembers her early years when things were good. Her father was in the military and her mother was a Hawaiian native. She was an older “brother,” but found that she was not interested in the same as her younger brother. Her younger brother always knew that his older brother was not the same as the rest of the boys. She enjoyed being in the kitchen learning the “ways of the women” and catching up with gossip. 


Much like many teenagers in America, Janet Mock came from a broken home, first living with her dad. He was supportive and worked on cars, taking pride in one specific car even though it was not his own. Through telling her tale of abuse in school and being bullied for being a “sissy,” to telling of her father’s crack addiction, Miss Mock pulls us through a true journey of self discovery. She is starting on a path that she realizes she will be journeying on alone. 


One day, after coming in from school, she finds her father sitting in the boys room that they all shared together, smoking. At first, she thinks he is smoking his Newport cigarettes in their room, but as her father turns around he is holding a clear pipe and calls her younger brother into the bedroom to make them watch him smoke crack. As both children leave disillusioned, Miss Mock decides to move back to her mother’s house in search of any semblance of family and belonging,


For me, what all she had to do to become the woman she is today in awe inspiring. While she does use a lot of gendered separation terms, at the root of all of her arguments is neither color, race, religion or sexual preference. I believe that Miss Mock tried through her painful journey to remind us that in the end we are all human and that while we are all here, we should be free to choose who and how we love.


Her journey, all of her ways she had to get there from working, separating herself from societal norms and all the consequences and negative stigmatisms that came with being a trans woman made her all the more respectable and more ladylike than most women are today. It’s hard to review all of the things that made her who she was, abuse and neglect, prostitute and shamed, to bold and beautiful, this is a novel that will change you and show you just how alike we all are.



I have rated this book a 4 out of 5 in the review category and recommend it to anyone who is just generally trying to be a better person. Now stand up, hug the nearest stranger (unless they look like they have cooties, then don’t hug, just back away,) and offer to buy their coffee. We only have one chance at this life people. Let’s all get out there and help one another enjoy it! Put yourself in the “NO JUDGEMENT ZONE,” before we start making people, instead of dogs, wear the “cone of shame!” 


Until we meet again in the next review, be kind to one another. We only have one life, live it to its fullest!

~J                            pnjsbookreviews

https://pnjsdventurebooks-com.3dcartstores.com  PnJs Adventure Store and More, check it out!

Donation to assist for Aneurysm and Medical Care   you can follow this link if you would like to help get an RN the specialized care she needs for not just an aneurysm but for a tumor only 1 in 2 million people get. We need all the help we can get so that I can see my kids grow up. Thank you so much in advance. Your donation could save my life.



The Library at Mount Char By: Scott Hawkins

Author Bio:

Scott Hawkins lives in Atlanta with his wife and a large pack of foster dogs. When he isn’t writing he enjoys woodwork, cooking long and impractical recipes and playing fetch with his dogs. He works as a computer programmer, and The Library at Mount Char is his first novel. (One of, I hope, many more.)

The Library at Mount Char  By: Scott Hawkins

(From the back of the novel)

A missing God.
A library with the secrets to the universe.
A woman too busy to notice her heart slipping away.

Carolyn’s not so different from the other people around her. She likes guacamole and cigarettes and steak. She knows how to use a phone. Clothes are a bit tricky, but everyone says nice things about her outfit with the Christmas sweater over the gold bicycle shorts.

After all, she was a normal American herself once.

That was a long time ago, of course. Before her parents died. Before she and the others were taken in by the man they called Father.

In the years since then, Carolyn hasn’t had a chance to get out much. Instead, she and her adopted siblings have been raised according to Father’s ancient customs. They’ve studied the books in his Library and learned some of the secrets of his power. And sometimes, they’ve wondered if their cruel tutor might secretly be God.

Now, Father is missing—perhaps even dead—and the Library that holds his secrets stands unguarded. And with it, control over all of creation.

As Carolyn gathers the tools she needs for the battle to come, fierce competitors for this prize align against her, all of them with powers that far exceed her own.

But Carolyn has accounted for this.

And Carolyn has a plan.

The only trouble is that in the war to make a new God, she’s forgotten to protect the things that make her human.

I was finishing a review, I had seen and heard rumors of a new author out there in the in the horizon that had written a book called  The Library at Mount Char. The synopsis on the book had me so intrigued I knew I had to review it. I actually do think I looked like this: 


As my book arrived, I opened that package faster than you can say WHOA! I devoured the book in one setting. Before I begin my review of this amazing novel, I will say that I have never read a book back to back to back. Yes, that’s three in a row….I just didn’t want to lose any of the dark feel to this tale.


The first librarian we are introduced to is Carolyn. She is walking down the road, covered in blood, and walking near the woods across from the neighborhood she once lived in. She does have some memories of her life before, when she was human, but all of that was before she and 11 other orphans from the same community suddenly became orphans by “Father.” 


“Father” assigns each child to a catalog of information from which they are to learn but never cross into each others catalogs to learn anything other that what they have been assigned to.


Time is different for Carolyn and the other children, and  they each excel in their specific catalogs, however now “Father” is missing and the children are on a quest to find him. Each child now possess their own unique power. Some much darker than others.

Laptop in classic library

Carolyn lead the others in their quests, however, as the children have been learning, there are terrible, horrific punishments inflicted on the children that are insolent. Disrespecting or disobeying “Father.” As the punishments are so graphic and unreal, I will not spoil your adventure into this novel, but I will say each time through, the more I thought about the pain and suffering and how it was doled out, I still cringe.


Mastering both the vivid imagery as well as the almost disassociated characters from human emotion in face of choices they make. But where exactly has Father gone to, and what is the world to do if God decides on vacation, or god forbid, wants to retire?


Or maybe one of the many enemies of Father have come and abducted or murdered Father. The children all come together with their unique abilities to search as far and as deep as they can go looking for any signs of where Father went.


I am desperately trying to not give away any spoilers, however I must ask: What would be worse, no dad but he is happy where he is and never knowing where he went, or finding him only to find out why you were adopted, and what your role in the scheme of the universe.  


Through all of the characters, I admired each one for either their cunning, their tenacity, their insanity, and even for their obscene bending of reality and rules that they learn from Father. 


In particular I became fond of two characters. Steve is the man that Carolyn offers an enormous sum of money to see if he can get into the neighborhood the children have grown up in. He inadvertently has found himself stuck in the middle of a war for the universe. Though it is never clearly stated, nor their push and pull interactions, the characters of Carolyn and Steve seem to have somewhat of a relationship forged through the trials of control of the universe.


There are many characters along the way that are easy to identify to and pull this epic battle towards its brutal and unexpected finish.

This novel is amazing. I have read other peer reviews where they are unable to get into the novel for the first 100 pages or so. I would challenge that many novels must set a plot line, and a girl walking down the road covered in blood, thinking of how not to kill the people stopping out of kindness to see if she needs help, definitely roped my attention. 


Fantasy, thriller, horror components, all blended into one tightly woven story makes for one hell of a ride. I, was enthralled the whole way through. For me, this book was a 4.5 out of 5 as this author is amazing for a first book production. I am excited to see what else he puts out, as well as again reviewing his writing brought forth from the deepest crevices of his creative mind.


****I sought out, and was given an ARC in exchange for an honest review by the author and his agent. This book has become one of my favorites for 2016, and I highly recommend anyone who enjoys a great fantasy novel to grab one and read it! This truly was my pleasure to read and review, and I hope you enjoy reading and going on his adventure too!****

PnJsbookreviews: reviewed by ~J



Who Knew?


Who knew that if I drank that tea, I’d become mad too? Falling down the rabbit hole isn’t hard at all…..one day you’re up and taking care of someone in an emergency….and the next your ARE the emergency.


The cruelest joke of all I do believe was that it all happened on my birthday….


Oh…wait….isn’t that supposed to be the happy dance? For me, years of being a nurse, thousands of patients I have spoke to, held their hand as they died, grieved with the family at death from senseless violence…..those experiences toughened me, or so I thought.


To walk out with my attending MD, sometimes blood still on my scrubs, and tell an expectant family that THIS time we had lost our battle. Failed our mission to pull their loved one from the jaws of death. These personal experiences had toughened me to where I kept up a wall to protect me from the shrapnel of shredded lives…


But once you have gone down that hole, there really is no turning back. No armor that protects you.


The things you once thought you knew about social norms fall away, and you begin to see people different. Not quite the same. It really is not that you have no feelings it’s just that you have been changed.


Unless you live in this world, it is hard to understand. No person should have to see the things we do daily as Emergency providers. Each time the rotors turn many souls are at stake, but they are the few that choose to be there.


The fearless or just people who care more about themselves than others. That’s where I have always stood. In the Army, they have battle buddies. Someone to watch their “six” when going into danger.


And these brave souls will risk their life too in order to never leave a man behind.


But, when you tumble down that hole as a nurse, the world flips on its edge and you just feel ….


You will wake up and everything will be back in its neat compartmentalized order. Things most certainly did not get better down the rabbit hole I fell in. In fact it got worse. I am not old by any means, still young, still healthy, why would I EVER think to have a CT of my head for my migraines? Silly, Silly, me!


I walked in thinking I knew everything. Tough. Battle hardened. Nothing could make me cry, lose faith….


Until I heard those words…..BRAIN ANEURYSM….


There was no WAY this was happening. Not now, not at the height of what I perceived as the pinnacle of my existence as an “adult.” I had no battle buddy…..


What  I had was a few more strokes….I guess my brain was lonely….


So, how do you go from caregiver to care receiver? Simply put, I don’t know. I wish there was some magic potion to rewind time and start again. 


  Unfortunately, I have yet to find one. What I have found is living in wonderland is strange.  It is a novel laid out, but unwritten. It’s time sliding through an hourglass, but whose time? And for what?


That’s the standard answer. All of this while walking with a ticking time bomb in my head. Reading and reviewing helped take the pain away when my use of language became impaired. Yes, I know, every man’s dream, a woman that can’t talk.


And just when I think I have adapted, another thing gets thrown at me. Try swallowing pheochromocytoma….Now THAT’S a helluva word! Just another journey to embark upon….I wish they issued battle buddies for this….


So for now, I will close and say that tomorrow’s journey wherever it may lead I will face with strength and grace. And for you who are following the experience and I have left you as I was getting called back 8 hours later, I haven’t forgotten you. There is more to come!


Just hang onto your hat…..you wouldn’t want to make the hatter mad!


Unfortunately, I am not sure I have an option. But, if I can’t leave neverland,  I will join it and enjoy it. Because let me tell you…..this girl can DANCE!!!!


Come back and see us real soon. We are all mad down here! Time for me to dust off to other projects!


Never run! Always fight! Even when it feels like there’s no fight left, you still harbor a warrior’s spirit.

If you would like to donate to the aneurysm (and now cancer as well) funding, well I would be thrilled as this is an expensive journey. If not, that’s ok too. Just stop by and say HI! Visit my book reviews, visit my newly opened store….or hell…..jump down the rabbit hole and enjoy this crazy adventure with me!


May peace and love find and follow you. Until next time…..


I’m Late! I’m Late! For that Aneurysm date!


Well, boys and girls let me tell you……as an Emergency Room nurse patience is NOT one of my virtues. Sitting in the ER watching one patient threaten another, the police bring in a girl who was supposed to have left all personal belonging in her car…….but there was the ever so presence of a cell phone ringing…….


Now,this would not have been so bad were it not for a) she was under arrest, b) the police officer told her at wherever she came from to leave her cell behind, and c) what she did when she was busted……. Yup, reached up into the nether regions of her self right there in the lobby in front of God and everybody and tried to hand the phone to the officer….I truly don’t know what explains this situation the best….


Or more like this……










But I can say with most certainty, the noise level in the lobby increased exponentially! She pulled that skirt up and jerked that phone out and all I could hear was a couple saying “Oh my God, did you see where she pulled that from??” I heard the man with a very poignant mental illness tell his friends on the cell phone loudly, “Yo, the cops got this b*tch in here performing a porno!” And the cop standing there, unsure of what to do with the now slimy phone, yelling at her, “I TOLD YOU LEAVE IT IN THE CAR!!”


To which she replied, “Oh, I thought you said leave it in the box.”


All I can say, is the chaos as a nurse we experience in the back of the emergency room had NOT prepared me for this display of characters and the way they interacted. Yelling and screaming, moaning and complaining, and all I could think was……


Crossing the line from nurse to patient was like coming to Earth from Mars. It was somewhat surreal! I am happy to report I DID survive the 8 hour lobby wait and entertainment, however I am not sure if I am mentally or emotionally ready to take that on again! 


As a nurse, I am completely ready for my uncontrolled, controlled chaos everyday. As a patient I felt like each minute I was becoming a little more like them….the lobby people….


I heard the nurse finally call my name….and started my descent into the next level of hell…..the patient gown and wait…….


I wish it were that simple. Stay tuned as I tell you how a nurse morphs into a patient in aneurysm flat!!


I’ll see you real soon with my continued journeys!




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