Redefining Realness by: Janet Mock

Redefining Realness: My Path to Womanhood, Identity, Love & So Much More    by: Janet Mock

 

Janet Mock the author of this book was born with the anatomical parts of a male, however from as early as she can remember she always felt like a girl. She remembers her early years when things were good. Her father was in the military and her mother was a Hawaiian native. She was an older “brother,” but found that she was not interested in the same as her younger brother. Her younger brother always knew that his older brother was not the same as the rest of the boys. She enjoyed being in the kitchen learning the “ways of the women” and catching up with gossip. 

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Much like many teenagers in America, Janet Mock came from a broken home, first living with her dad. He was supportive and worked on cars, taking pride in one specific car even though it was not his own. Through telling her tale of abuse in school and being bullied for being a “sissy,” to telling of her father’s crack addiction, Miss Mock pulls us through a true journey of self discovery. She is starting on a path that she realizes she will be journeying on alone. 

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One day, after coming in from school, she finds her father sitting in the boys room that they all shared together, smoking. At first, she thinks he is smoking his Newport cigarettes in their room, but as her father turns around he is holding a clear pipe and calls her younger brother into the bedroom to make them watch him smoke crack. As both children leave disillusioned, Miss Mock decides to move back to her mother’s house in search of any semblance of family and belonging,

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For me, what all she had to do to become the woman she is today in awe inspiring. While she does use a lot of gendered separation terms, at the root of all of her arguments is neither color, race, religion or sexual preference. I believe that Miss Mock tried through her painful journey to remind us that in the end we are all human and that while we are all here, we should be free to choose who and how we love.

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Her journey, all of her ways she had to get there from working, separating herself from societal norms and all the consequences and negative stigmatisms that came with being a trans woman made her all the more respectable and more ladylike than most women are today. It’s hard to review all of the things that made her who she was, abuse and neglect, prostitute and shamed, to bold and beautiful, this is a novel that will change you and show you just how alike we all are.

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I have rated this book a 4 out of 5 in the review category and recommend it to anyone who is just generally trying to be a better person. Now stand up, hug the nearest stranger (unless they look like they have cooties, then don’t hug, just back away,) and offer to buy their coffee. We only have one chance at this life people. Let’s all get out there and help one another enjoy it! Put yourself in the “NO JUDGEMENT ZONE,” before we start making people, instead of dogs, wear the “cone of shame!” 

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Until we meet again in the next review, be kind to one another. We only have one life, live it to its fullest!

~J                            pnjsbookreviews

https://pnjsdventurebooks-com.3dcartstores.com  PnJs Adventure Store and More, check it out!

Donation to assist for Aneurysm and Medical Care   you can follow this link if you would like to help get an RN the specialized care she needs for not just an aneurysm but for a tumor only 1 in 2 million people get. We need all the help we can get so that I can see my kids grow up. Thank you so much in advance. Your donation could save my life.

 

 

The Library at Mount Char By: Scott Hawkins

Author Bio:

Scott Hawkins lives in Atlanta with his wife and a large pack of foster dogs. When he isn’t writing he enjoys woodwork, cooking long and impractical recipes and playing fetch with his dogs. He works as a computer programmer, and The Library at Mount Char is his first novel. (One of, I hope, many more.)

The Library at Mount Char  By: Scott Hawkins

(From the back of the novel)

A missing God.
A library with the secrets to the universe.
A woman too busy to notice her heart slipping away.

Carolyn’s not so different from the other people around her. She likes guacamole and cigarettes and steak. She knows how to use a phone. Clothes are a bit tricky, but everyone says nice things about her outfit with the Christmas sweater over the gold bicycle shorts.

After all, she was a normal American herself once.

That was a long time ago, of course. Before her parents died. Before she and the others were taken in by the man they called Father.

In the years since then, Carolyn hasn’t had a chance to get out much. Instead, she and her adopted siblings have been raised according to Father’s ancient customs. They’ve studied the books in his Library and learned some of the secrets of his power. And sometimes, they’ve wondered if their cruel tutor might secretly be God.

Now, Father is missing—perhaps even dead—and the Library that holds his secrets stands unguarded. And with it, control over all of creation.

As Carolyn gathers the tools she needs for the battle to come, fierce competitors for this prize align against her, all of them with powers that far exceed her own.

But Carolyn has accounted for this.

And Carolyn has a plan.

The only trouble is that in the war to make a new God, she’s forgotten to protect the things that make her human.

I was finishing a review, I had seen and heard rumors of a new author out there in the in the horizon that had written a book called  The Library at Mount Char. The synopsis on the book had me so intrigued I knew I had to review it. I actually do think I looked like this: 

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As my book arrived, I opened that package faster than you can say WHOA! I devoured the book in one setting. Before I begin my review of this amazing novel, I will say that I have never read a book back to back to back. Yes, that’s three in a row….I just didn’t want to lose any of the dark feel to this tale.

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The first librarian we are introduced to is Carolyn. She is walking down the road, covered in blood, and walking near the woods across from the neighborhood she once lived in. She does have some memories of her life before, when she was human, but all of that was before she and 11 other orphans from the same community suddenly became orphans by “Father.” 

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“Father” assigns each child to a catalog of information from which they are to learn but never cross into each others catalogs to learn anything other that what they have been assigned to.

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Time is different for Carolyn and the other children, and  they each excel in their specific catalogs, however now “Father” is missing and the children are on a quest to find him. Each child now possess their own unique power. Some much darker than others.

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Carolyn lead the others in their quests, however, as the children have been learning, there are terrible, horrific punishments inflicted on the children that are insolent. Disrespecting or disobeying “Father.” As the punishments are so graphic and unreal, I will not spoil your adventure into this novel, but I will say each time through, the more I thought about the pain and suffering and how it was doled out, I still cringe.

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Mastering both the vivid imagery as well as the almost disassociated characters from human emotion in face of choices they make. But where exactly has Father gone to, and what is the world to do if God decides on vacation, or god forbid, wants to retire?

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Or maybe one of the many enemies of Father have come and abducted or murdered Father. The children all come together with their unique abilities to search as far and as deep as they can go looking for any signs of where Father went.

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I am desperately trying to not give away any spoilers, however I must ask: What would be worse, no dad but he is happy where he is and never knowing where he went, or finding him only to find out why you were adopted, and what your role in the scheme of the universe.  

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Through all of the characters, I admired each one for either their cunning, their tenacity, their insanity, and even for their obscene bending of reality and rules that they learn from Father. 

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In particular I became fond of two characters. Steve is the man that Carolyn offers an enormous sum of money to see if he can get into the neighborhood the children have grown up in. He inadvertently has found himself stuck in the middle of a war for the universe. Though it is never clearly stated, nor their push and pull interactions, the characters of Carolyn and Steve seem to have somewhat of a relationship forged through the trials of control of the universe.

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There are many characters along the way that are easy to identify to and pull this epic battle towards its brutal and unexpected finish.

This novel is amazing. I have read other peer reviews where they are unable to get into the novel for the first 100 pages or so. I would challenge that many novels must set a plot line, and a girl walking down the road covered in blood, thinking of how not to kill the people stopping out of kindness to see if she needs help, definitely roped my attention. 

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Fantasy, thriller, horror components, all blended into one tightly woven story makes for one hell of a ride. I, was enthralled the whole way through. For me, this book was a 4.5 out of 5 as this author is amazing for a first book production. I am excited to see what else he puts out, as well as again reviewing his writing brought forth from the deepest crevices of his creative mind.

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****I sought out, and was given an ARC in exchange for an honest review by the author and his agent. This book has become one of my favorites for 2016, and I highly recommend anyone who enjoys a great fantasy novel to grab one and read it! This truly was my pleasure to read and review, and I hope you enjoy reading and going on his adventure too!****

PnJsbookreviews: reviewed by ~J

https://www.emergencyrn.org

 

Who Knew?

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Who knew that if I drank that tea, I’d become mad too? Falling down the rabbit hole isn’t hard at all…..one day you’re up and taking care of someone in an emergency….and the next your ARE the emergency.

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The cruelest joke of all I do believe was that it all happened on my birthday….

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Oh…wait….isn’t that supposed to be the happy dance? For me, years of being a nurse, thousands of patients I have spoke to, held their hand as they died, grieved with the family at death from senseless violence…..those experiences toughened me, or so I thought.

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To walk out with my attending MD, sometimes blood still on my scrubs, and tell an expectant family that THIS time we had lost our battle. Failed our mission to pull their loved one from the jaws of death. These personal experiences had toughened me to where I kept up a wall to protect me from the shrapnel of shredded lives…

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But once you have gone down that hole, there really is no turning back. No armor that protects you.

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The things you once thought you knew about social norms fall away, and you begin to see people different. Not quite the same. It really is not that you have no feelings it’s just that you have been changed.

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Unless you live in this world, it is hard to understand. No person should have to see the things we do daily as Emergency providers. Each time the rotors turn many souls are at stake, but they are the few that choose to be there.

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The fearless or just people who care more about themselves than others. That’s where I have always stood. In the Army, they have battle buddies. Someone to watch their “six” when going into danger.

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And these brave souls will risk their life too in order to never leave a man behind.

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But, when you tumble down that hole as a nurse, the world flips on its edge and you just feel ….

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You will wake up and everything will be back in its neat compartmentalized order. Things most certainly did not get better down the rabbit hole I fell in. In fact it got worse. I am not old by any means, still young, still healthy, why would I EVER think to have a CT of my head for my migraines? Silly, Silly, me!

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I walked in thinking I knew everything. Tough. Battle hardened. Nothing could make me cry, lose faith….

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Until I heard those words…..BRAIN ANEURYSM….

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There was no WAY this was happening. Not now, not at the height of what I perceived as the pinnacle of my existence as an “adult.” I had no battle buddy…..

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What  I had was a few more strokes….I guess my brain was lonely….

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So, how do you go from caregiver to care receiver? Simply put, I don’t know. I wish there was some magic potion to rewind time and start again. 

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  Unfortunately, I have yet to find one. What I have found is living in wonderland is strange.  It is a novel laid out, but unwritten. It’s time sliding through an hourglass, but whose time? And for what?

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That’s the standard answer. All of this while walking with a ticking time bomb in my head. Reading and reviewing helped take the pain away when my use of language became impaired. Yes, I know, every man’s dream, a woman that can’t talk.

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And just when I think I have adapted, another thing gets thrown at me. Try swallowing pheochromocytoma….Now THAT’S a helluva word! Just another journey to embark upon….I wish they issued battle buddies for this….

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So for now, I will close and say that tomorrow’s journey wherever it may lead I will face with strength and grace. And for you who are following the experience and I have left you as I was getting called back 8 hours later, I haven’t forgotten you. There is more to come!

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Just hang onto your hat…..you wouldn’t want to make the hatter mad!

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Unfortunately, I am not sure I have an option. But, if I can’t leave neverland,  I will join it and enjoy it. Because let me tell you…..this girl can DANCE!!!!

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Come back and see us real soon. We are all mad down here! Time for me to dust off to other projects!

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Never run! Always fight! Even when it feels like there’s no fight left, you still harbor a warrior’s spirit.

If you would like to donate to the aneurysm (and now cancer as well) funding, well I would be thrilled as this is an expensive journey. If not, that’s ok too. Just stop by and say HI! Visit my book reviews, visit my newly opened store….or hell…..jump down the rabbit hole and enjoy this crazy adventure with me!

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May peace and love find and follow you. Until next time…..

~J

I’m Late! I’m Late! For that Aneurysm date!

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Well, boys and girls let me tell you……as an Emergency Room nurse patience is NOT one of my virtues. Sitting in the ER watching one patient threaten another, the police bring in a girl who was supposed to have left all personal belonging in her car…….but there was the ever so presence of a cell phone ringing…….

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Now,this would not have been so bad were it not for a) she was under arrest, b) the police officer told her at wherever she came from to leave her cell behind, and c) what she did when she was busted……. Yup, reached up into the nether regions of her self right there in the lobby in front of God and everybody and tried to hand the phone to the officer….I truly don’t know what explains this situation the best….

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Or more like this……

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Or……

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But I can say with most certainty, the noise level in the lobby increased exponentially! She pulled that skirt up and jerked that phone out and all I could hear was a couple saying “Oh my God, did you see where she pulled that from??” I heard the man with a very poignant mental illness tell his friends on the cell phone loudly, “Yo, the cops got this b*tch in here performing a porno!” And the cop standing there, unsure of what to do with the now slimy phone, yelling at her, “I TOLD YOU LEAVE IT IN THE CAR!!”

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To which she replied, “Oh, I thought you said leave it in the box.”

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All I can say, is the chaos as a nurse we experience in the back of the emergency room had NOT prepared me for this display of characters and the way they interacted. Yelling and screaming, moaning and complaining, and all I could think was……

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Crossing the line from nurse to patient was like coming to Earth from Mars. It was somewhat surreal! I am happy to report I DID survive the 8 hour lobby wait and entertainment, however I am not sure if I am mentally or emotionally ready to take that on again! 

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As a nurse, I am completely ready for my uncontrolled, controlled chaos everyday. As a patient I felt like each minute I was becoming a little more like them….the lobby people….

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I heard the nurse finally call my name….and started my descent into the next level of hell…..the patient gown and wait…….

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I wish it were that simple. Stay tuned as I tell you how a nurse morphs into a patient in aneurysm flat!!

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I’ll see you real soon with my continued journeys!

~J

 

 

I’ve been nominated for the Liebster Award! Whoa!

 

I have been nominated for an award.  Not just any award, but the best kind of award, theLiebster Award -an award from a fellow blogger at https://deconstructingdoctor.com

 

Unknown

 

This is an award given to small bloggers to help them gain some more views and get recognized.

The rules for the award are:

  1. Acknowledge the blog that nominated you and display the award.
  2. Answer 11 questions that the blog gives you.
  3. Give 11 random facts about yourself.
  4. Nominate 5-11 blogs you think are deserving of the award that have less than 200 followers.
  5. Let the blogs know you have nominated them.
  6. Give them 11 questions to answer.

 

Here are 11 facts about me:

  1. I went to work not knowing I had a brain aneurysm, was having a stroke, and refused to leave until I finished with the patient I was caring for in the ER. (YIKES…..)
  2. I don’t believe in mingling friendships with work relationships….it’s just bad news! (ok so sometimes there are those FEW exceptions no one knows about!)
  3. I refuse to call a doctor I am working with by Dr. So and So…..I use their first name, like they use mine.
  4. I used to have speakers in my car that were so loud, I’m not sure I needed to pay for gas, I think my car was music propelled.
  5. Despite my usual 5 foot bubble rule (how far I want someone away from me as I don’t really like to be touched), I crawled up in the bed of a 90 year old woman whose son refused to come while she was dying. I held her in my arms and told her she wasn’t alone and stroked her hair, until she passed away.
  6. I refuse to go to the doctor, as I am an RN, because I don’t want to bother them. (Again see #1 …..yup, so maybe I am a dumb a@#)
  7. I was a European soccer goalie with a perfect record.
  8. I love the Dave Matthews Band so much, I found out where his house is near my home where I go to his concert EVERY summer.
  9. I write how I feel much better than I can say it.
  10. I hate to ask for help.
  11. I’m very bad at math yet I do medication calculations in my head all day without difficulty.

 

Here are the answers to the 11 questions from https://deconstructingdoctor.com

  1. If you could go back in time to live, what era would you choose and why? I would have to say I’d most probably choose WWII, as that is my favorite period of history to deconstruct and analyze. Not being Jewish, I think I would be a smuggler to save as many of those lives lost as possible. One man…..influenced a WHOLE country into genocide…..CRAZY!!!!!
  2. If you could only have one artist or album playing for the rest of your life, who/what would you choose? Wow this one is tough. If I had to choose just one ALBUM, it would be U2, The Joshua Tree. If it was only one artist…Blue October hands down.
  3. You must give up one of your 5 senses forever, which one would you choose and why? I do believe it would be smell as I am an Emergency and Trauma RN….I KNOW you guys know how bad a hospital smells! BLECH!!!!!
  4. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I would have finished med school and been a doctor…….or a forensic MD, in the bahamas, where I always had a drink in my hand …..oh wait….I’m thinking about Jimmy Buffet….my bad!
  5. Do aliens exist? Absolutely! Have you been in an ER in July when the new residents start….
  6. What is the greatest invention of all time? Hands down….the air conditioner!!!!!
  7. What is your biggest regret? Leaving my Dad’s side when he was dying because I had to work. He died at 0245 and my shift ended at 0300. That I wish I could do over EVERY DAY.
  8. What is your biggest accomplishment? -I think this just turned into a job interview I was wondering was I being hired as your own personal RN haha! My biggest accomplishment is by far my kids. They definitely, I think, will help to change the world. (Bragging time…one wants to be a psychologist and assist abused children, one wants to be a Veterinarian and is active in the ASPCA, while volunteering in a local shelter, all while maintaining AP classes in highschool with all straight A’s – Yeah since kindergarten…THAT’S an accomplishment, and the last wants to be an artist and she’s absolutely amazing and I love seeing the world through her eyes!) 
  9. Why do you blog? I started doing book readings and reviews as a way to get through some of the harder times right after 3 strokes (left, brain stem, then right) as well as having the brain aneurysm that has so much pressure on my optic nerve I lost vision in my right eye. Then I decided that my experiences going from nurse to patient had some incredibly humorous moments, and I wanted to write them down and see….maybe somebody out there feels like me…nurse or not….what a wild ride this has become. It deserves its own theme park….just take it from me DO NOT GO THERE!!!!
  10. What is the single biggest problem facing humans today? SELF ENTITLEMENT!
  11. Is humanity doomed? I don’t think humanity is doomed…I just think people need to lighten up, give a little more, take a little less. If we could all stop and not just hear but LISTEN to what people are saying, the needs, I think the world would be a better place. (And, for the love of GOD, I want to get you out of pain just as fast as you want to BE out of pain, PLEASE don’t yell and cuss at the doctor’s and nurse’s trying to help you. If you come to my ER, believe me I didn’t send out an invitation, so you have come to be helped. Let us do that for you. That’s what EVERY person in healthcare wants to do. We however DO NOT want to be hit, cussed, spit on, yelled at, and threatened. Manners people…..they go a long way! 🙂  )

 

My nominees are:

Adventures of An Anxious Nurse

Notes from a Science Nerd

Quoth The Raven Ca

Nurse Ratched RN, BSN

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Here are my 11 questions for the bloggers I’ve nominated:

  1. If you could have a drink with someone from history who would it be?
  2. What was your most embarrassing hair style?
  3. If you could see 24 hours into the future what would you do with this ability?
  4. Do you have faith in the next generation? Why?
  5. What color underwear are you wearing?
  6. What do you miss from your childhood?
  7. What do you do to impress someone you are attracted to?
  8. In what way are your parents out of date?
  9. Would you rather live one life that lasts 1,000 years or live 10 lives that last 100 years each?
  10. What is the best thing and worst thing that has happened to you today?
  11. Would you rather have a large 10 inch long belly button that swayed to music or have accordions for legs?

 

Liebster Award

I am humbled! Can’t wait to post the answers. Hold on to your bootstraps….who knows what will come out!

deconstructingdoctor's avatardeconstructingdoctor.com

I have been nominated for an award.  Not just any award, but the best kind of award, the Liebster Award -an award from a fellow blogger at pliscaplace.wordpress.com

Unknown

This is an award given to small bloggers to help them gain some more views and get recognized.

The rules for the award are:

  1. Acknowledge the blog that nominated you and display the award.
  2. Answer 11 questions that the blog gives you.
  3. Give 11 random facts about yourself.
  4. Nominate 5-11 blogs you think are deserving of the award that have less than 200 followers.
  5. Let the blogs know you have nominated them.
  6. Give them 11 questions to answer.

Here are 11 facts about me:

  1. I have chickens in my backyard
  2. I cut my own hair
  3. I love plaid
  4. I used to drive a low rider truck -you know the kind that goes up and down
  5. People have mistaken me for…

View original post 458 more words

The Ever Elusive Part Two

The Ever Elusive Part Two!

So when I left you last, I had descended into the seven circles of hell. The thing about being a nurse is that we always THINK we know just how the patient feels, because come on, we have just as long of a wait time as they do. Waiting on the med student to make his round…..

And then we wait for the resident to decide to go make his round……

And then we wait for those two brains to confer before they present your case to the attending. Then he will come in and ask you the same 500 questions your nurse did (who has already diagnosed you and asked 3 hours ago if things could be started), and the med student asked you (probably timidly), and then the mighty resident did (because he MUST show the med student he is omnipotent), just so now we ALL now know…you’re sick. He then goes into the room for his own assessment, comes out to write orders, or correct orders the residents write, and scream at your nurse WHY haven’t things been done yet…..yup……that’s one level of hell…..

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So, as a nurse, I knew I had entered this never ending cycle of ebb and flow of med students, residents, and patients. Front door patients, backdoor patients, falling from the ceiling patients…..but I never would have predicted what happens when you fall into the second level of hell……the waiting room……

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And I had EIGHT glorious hours of fun filled waiting room entertainment to keep me shoved in my corner the WHOLE time!

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That entertainment will be brought to you very soon! I will be back with part 3 Fearing For Your Life In the ER Waiting Room….in a DAY-OH….in a DAAAAY-OH…..promise….

Helping get an Aneurysm fixed donation link! We all need a little help from our friends!

Taking time for it all to soak in…..

I am not sure I could say it any better than Johnny Depp with that quote from Alice in Wonderland. I thought that maybe I would stay away from a traditional “blogging” site and stick to just the books I am reading and reviewing, with the occasional reminder that there are things and people out there we need to be mindful of. These people fight battles that sometimes no one ever knows about. You know…that “strong silent type.” The people who take on chemo and radiation while still working in health care because maybe, just maybe, there is someone that needs just a little more attention than they do. But really, who decides that? Who gets to say one persons battle is less than or more than another persons? Who says one journey is easier or harder than the next? What may be an easy walk around the block for one person, could be for another, the equivalent of having to walk Pluto’s 1,474 mile surface diameter…..up hill…..both ways…..carrying a 1474 pound bag of snarling, writhing, Chihuahua’s.

I have come to realize that the old adage of YOU are your own worst enemy is nothing short of truth, unless again you are carrying that frenzied bag of Chihuahua terror, and then I would have to ask what were you thinking, but that is a post for another day. My story is long and most probably quite boring as far as stories go, however I feel like for me maybe the journey through might be the journey out.

I won’t go so far back as to young childhood times in this post, because some of those tales are just way too funny to intermingle with this one. So I will start where this journey took several left turns for me. (I’m not sure whether the movie “The Shining,” or the movie “Misery,” both by Stephen King, would be more appropriate as to how my journey turns and rolls….but what do you do? Both movies people have gone crazy, and in both movies there is something physically or mentally wrong with the characters. They both seem to fit my current predicament.

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Much like Alice, I seem to have tumbled down my own sort of passage, landing me straight into the depths of…..well let’s stay with the theme and say that its led me to Aneurysm in Neverland. Though this is a place far darker than sweet Alice had to go.

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You know that day that comes once a year, and belongs to you, your birthday…..well that started my “tea party” where the black out pain rabbit informed me how I was late, so late, for a very important date. Honestly, the only invitation I had received was that magical work invitation, requesting my presence at work without fail, even if it was my birthday! And let me tell you, if you knew or know me……late is something that drives me up a wall! I can not stand to be late ANYWHERE!

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Though I arrived at work on time, and was in my Emergency Department busily handling the tasks of middle management, while also taking care of patients who needed far more than I did, I realized that maybe that “little bit sick” I had been feeling may not be so little. If you work in healthcare, you know there is NEVER enough help, and an Emergency Department is a creature that changes and pulses as it feels the need to surge and stretch beyond the capacity of the walls trying to hold it in.

The foot and calf pain I had been feeling when I had awakened that morning, now was becoming unbearable. The sweat, (yes gentlemen, women do sweat……that’s not spritzed water to freshen us up on a hot day,) was rolling down until without exaggeration, there were puddles of sweat where I had sat down.

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Without the slime and dirt slinging, the nurse over me in a higher position than I held, missed every sign of the impending train wreck I was about to encounter. (And I must say I think every car on my train derailed, the tracks went sideways, the conductor was driving his race car, and the poor Go-Cart I was traveling in had no chance at all.)

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So, instead of becoming a patient at my own hospital, I drove almost 30 miles with tunnel vision, and no recollection of the walk from my job to my car to the hospital, where I proceeded to wait in an emergency room for 8 hours after check in, with my poor plastic patients band, a room full of people that by all rights I should be taking care of not being waited on. (Maybe that’s why even though I couldn’t see, it took me 20  minutes to make a 2 minute walk, my oxygen saturation was 84%, (which is no bueno in a young lady like myself, ) my sweat was running like there was a faucet left on in my hairline with my heart beating in its own new style dance, and I pushed a little old lady whose Alzheimer’s husband had went to move the car and he was lost coming back and she couldn’t push herself to the registration desk…….so I did it for her…..) , only to be told with a blood pressure of 198/114 and a pulse rate of 196 and an oxygen saturation of 84%, that I could have a seat in the lobby until a bed opened up for me………

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No problem. I propped myself in the corner of the waiting room so no one could get behind me, and slowly began my descent into hell…… (to be continued tomorrow)…..

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I do hope you join me for the continuing nightmare of my time in Neverland……I mean Wonderland……because the horror and parties have yet to begin………

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Until tomorrow then…..pray….

 

~J

 

Writing the Wrongs

Writing My Wrongs: Life, Death, and Redemption in an American Prison by: Shaka Senghor

Reviewed with pleasure by: PnJbookreviews (www.emergencyrn.org) Written by: Janet (J)

Writing My Wrongs

writing my wrongs book cover

I have never heard any truer phrase than when people say, “It’s not how you start the race, but how you finish it that counts,” then when I read this amazing novel written by an amazing man.

I was in between reviews for the publishing houses I usually write for, and this book and its picture pulled me to it like a magnet. What did I know about prison? I had never been there. What did I know of death? Well, as an Emergency Nurse I was surrounded by it every day. What did I know about redemption? That is a question I still have yet to find, however after reading this powerful book, I realize that he is right in so many ways that we as HUMANS need to stand together and stop this madness of gun violence and sending the young to prison only to come out worse than before. I have never been racist, nor seen color of the people around me. I had this image that everyone just saw each other like I did, people trying to navigate this thing called life.

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In the beginning, we are introduced to James White, a young boy who is suffering from the tragedies of living in a broken home. While his father was very supportive, his mother turned to alcohol and verbal abuse of her children leaving James to either stay and suffer the wrath of his mother all day, or go out to the streets to hang out with friends and escape his chaotic home.

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Longing for love and acceptance, James was led by an adult down the path of dealing drugs to support himself since his mother was not. He was seduced by money, but in reality he was crying out for love and attention, for hope and faith. While he found none of that in the drug life he had entered, he did find a love of things. His void then being filled with shoes and clothing, women and drugs.

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How could a child resist the temptation set before him by an adult that he trusted, and another adult to disappoint and push him down the road that would eventually lead to prison? Maybe a more poignant question would be how did we as a society fail this young boy, and all the boys before and after him?

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Common in the drug world comes guns and violence and James unfortunately was led down that path after being shot himself during a dispute. Two years later, James does the ultimate crime himself and altered the paths of two young men; himself and his victim.  James himself was a child that ended up murdering another boy in a drug related interaction. Sentenced to a 20 – 40 year prison term, James could only watch as the cards fell down around him. He became angry and bitter. Having one child already and another on the way, James became as hard and locked down inside as the prison that held him. Five years into his prison sentence he was placed in solitary confinement and left where there is minimal to no interaction.

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With nothing to occupy his mind of all he had done and where he had come from to get to where he was, James started to read. He read African Heritage books, the Bible, the Koran, Plato as well as any other book he could get his hands on to broaden his mind and strengthen his soul. Through reading the words and ideas of many, James found what he had always been looking for, hope.

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This book was so raw, so powerful, that even days after finishing this book and having time to reflect, it still provides me with hope. Hope for all children forced into this kind of situation, hope that even in the worst of times, forgiveness can be obtained, and hope that maybe one day we will be a world that doesn’t see color and promote violence. Maybe one small act of kindness could prevent a future institutionalized child who knows nothing but life in prison.

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When James was 5 years into his prison sentence, he received a letter from the grandmother of his victim providing him with what he could not provide himself, forgiveness.

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When the boy James finds where his true self lies, Shaka is who emerges. Reading this book is tough. This book points out so many wrongs that no one wants to talk about. How long should we be leaving a young boy in solitary to only have his worst demons be his only company? While punishment is needed and America has lock up locked down, what about true rehabilitation? This book is a must read for everybody. His story could be substituted for any number of names.

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Be warned that Shaka does not spare the events or actions of himself or his fellow inmates. He tells prison from the point of view only the strongest of survivors can tell.

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For me, I was overwhelmed by the power of his words. For his raw truth, that while ugly, brought about something beautiful. His words are bringing about a connection and a reason to reach a hand out to our fellow man. For me, this “criminal” is an inspiration.

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For me, I rated this book 5 out of 5 stars, and recommend it to all. If only all of our voices could be so powerful and raw, what a beautiful world it would be. It was truly an honor to read and review this book. NOW RUN!!!!!!!! GO GET YOUR COPY BEFORE THEY TOO ARE LOCKED UP!!

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~ J    🙂

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