Good Enough: Peace in Chaos (a little long, but a lot about me)

Once in a while I try to post something about myself, so that you guys get to know me. Yesterday, after a trying day, I was given the gift of peace despite chaos. Some of you know that my journey has been a long one. Diagnosed with a brain aneurysm after having a few mini strokes at a young age, as well as having aphasia now, has changed my life completely. By changed, I don’t mean a little. EVERY aspect of what once was my life suddenly, and irrevocably, has become different. What’s worse is that I had NO say in what has happened to me. Learning to make peace with what is left of my shattered concept of normal, has taken an incredibly long time… but I think I may  finally be getting there.

Yesterday, after another painful test, my best friend decided that enough was enough and it was time for him to intervene. That’s the great thing about having a best friend that truly knows you, they hear not only what you say, but also what you don’t. Let me share a quick story…

I happened to mention to him that my computer had a bunch of sticky keys and that it was driving me crazy. Have you ever tried to write a blog post, do a review, or hell even get on a website when your I,K,8 and comma keys only work if you beat on them like they owe you money?

I have been pushing through and using the computer even when I wanted to throw it out the window. Who wants to spend the money to get another one when you are going from doctor visit to doctor visit, or bogged down in moving and such? I had plans on looking for a new computer sometime over the summer when the stores start pushing their “Back To School” sales. THIS MAN walked in carrying a brand new computer JUST BECAUSE he heard me and wanted my life to be a little easier. WOW!!!

How do you express how that makes you feel? Not the computer… it is material… but that deep sense of awe that you feel when someone is connected enough that they just DO to make it better for you? I’m still working on that one. That someone could care more about you than themselves… magical!

Getting back to yesterday… as he was driving me home from that painful test I said something about wanting to start saving for a kayak or boat. I told him I just wanted to go out on the water and just be. Float out in the middle of the water, no one around, and sit in the silence. Bask in the sun and incredible views, and just read my book. He agreed that this would be positive and healing for me. A girl can dream!

When we got to the house, he was quite abrupt, and told me he had things he had to take care of and walked me into the house. I asked if I could go with him (I HATE being in the house all the time) and he gave me THE LOOK… you know, the one that stops you dead in your tracks…

I was so hurt… In my head, I was telling myself that he was just over me and my illness.

Quite some time passed. I started doing laundry and all those horrible things one must do to start a new week when I got a text message asking if I still felt well enough to go and do something.

My feelings were hurt. I wasn’t going to answer. I was coming up with every reason why I was now busy. Why I wasn’t good enough to be happy.

When he got to the house, this man had a kayak strapped to the top of the car. It was fixing to rain, the day was half over, and there was a kayak on top of the car… which I found out we now owned. WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED???

Every thought in my head screamed NOOOOOOOOOO. It’s going to rain. I have laundry to do. I have a book review to write. My negative side of my brain was going a million miles a minute.

Then I remembered that I am in control of how and what I feel. Right now in THIS moment – I. AM. GOOD. ENOUGH. I can let things go and live a little. The laundry will wait. My blog will wait. What matters, RIGHT NOW, is that this man HEARD me. This man went out of his way to make my day a little better. What more can you ask for? SO, rain, dirty laundry, pain and all, WE WENT KAYAKING – AND IT WAS THE BEST AFTERNOON EVER!!! 

I hope you find these pictures of my wonderland just as inspiring as I do. Get out. Live a little. Don’t let fear and social ideals constrain you. We only live once.

You never know just what will bring you peace!

Where you will find hidden treasures.

Hidden beauty.

Sometimes, you even find a bird tree! 🙂

YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH!     ALWAYS!        SO, ENJOY THE RIDE!

Thank goodness for best friends!

What are you thankful for? Have you been struggling too? I’d love to hear about your adventures, thankfulness, and even your best friends! I hope your day is wonderful and you, too, find peace among the chaos!     ~Janet